First Mother's Day

I sit back and reflect to last year around this time and how incredibly depressing it was not knowing if I would ever be granted the wish of being a mother. In that moment the emotions were so real. So unfiltered and raw. I wanted nothing more in this life than to be a mom. I didn't have a preference on sex or hair color I just wanted to be able to experience the joys of motherhood. I longed for long sleepless nights, poopy diapers and fussy babies and didn't mind a little spit up as well. This holiday has always been incredibly hard for me more so the last few years especially once I knew I was where I was supposed to be in my relationship.  It's not a secret that I have longed for a child since I was a little girl. I had many of opportunity's in my younger days to at least try for a child but knew that situation was not right and I didn't want to share my child in a split home.


    
I know now that my life has been mapped out from the beginning of my existence and I received the greatest blessing of all. She was hand picked for us no differently than if we would have created her ourselves. This year I celebrate my first year as a mother on mother's day. It's a lot less depressing this year as is every day. Even though I have only been her mommy for a little over four months she has left little footprints on my heart. It's hard to explain the love you have for your child. No matter if that child was biologically created by you or not. These last four months have been stressful and scary at times but as each day passes I get more confident in my ability to be her mother. I stress a little less when she coughs or sneezes and am trying to teach myself that having a clean house everyday of the week is not all it's cracked up to be anyways. Even though my OCD disagrees. Haha I miss the months that have already passed but love the months that are to come. Every stage of her life brings something new and exciting. From the first time she recognizes you to the first time she searches for your voice to even now when she lays her head down on my chest after being away all day. Falling asleep in my arms and fighting sleep till her mommy can rock her to sleep. I never thought that I could act a complete fool out in public with more than one person looking at me crazy but if that's what it takes to stop a complete meltdown then I plan to rock that ability. She is the only one that loves to hear me sing even though I don't know the words to most of the songs and only know a line here and there so we mix several all together. But none the less she loves to hear them. Picking her up at the end of the day and seeing her face light up when she hears your voice that's the moments I live for. Watching her learn and grow everyday. I cherish these moments and every new stage of her life cause one day she won't want to be cuddled so tightly or sung to in public. She will slowly start wanting more independence. When people tell you it goes by SO fast there is no way to explain how fast it really does go by. Cherish every moment. I now understand the love a mother has for her child. It's so unconditional and selfless. I can now understand the love my mother has for her children and my friends for their children. I will enjoy this Mothers Day like I enjoy everyday I get to spend with our little peanut. So blessed to call her ours and so blessed to be her mommy. My first Mother's Day as a mommy funny thing is I feel like every day is Mother's Day. Reading my post from last year on Mother's Day makes this one so the more special. So glad I was chosen to be her mommy. Happy Mother's Day mommies.