First Mother's Day

I sit back and reflect to last year around this time and how incredibly depressing it was not knowing if I would ever be granted the wish of being a mother. In that moment the emotions were so real. So unfiltered and raw. I wanted nothing more in this life than to be a mom. I didn't have a preference on sex or hair color I just wanted to be able to experience the joys of motherhood. I longed for long sleepless nights, poopy diapers and fussy babies and didn't mind a little spit up as well. This holiday has always been incredibly hard for me more so the last few years especially once I knew I was where I was supposed to be in my relationship.  It's not a secret that I have longed for a child since I was a little girl. I had many of opportunity's in my younger days to at least try for a child but knew that situation was not right and I didn't want to share my child in a split home.


    
I know now that my life has been mapped out from the beginning of my existence and I received the greatest blessing of all. She was hand picked for us no differently than if we would have created her ourselves. This year I celebrate my first year as a mother on mother's day. It's a lot less depressing this year as is every day. Even though I have only been her mommy for a little over four months she has left little footprints on my heart. It's hard to explain the love you have for your child. No matter if that child was biologically created by you or not. These last four months have been stressful and scary at times but as each day passes I get more confident in my ability to be her mother. I stress a little less when she coughs or sneezes and am trying to teach myself that having a clean house everyday of the week is not all it's cracked up to be anyways. Even though my OCD disagrees. Haha I miss the months that have already passed but love the months that are to come. Every stage of her life brings something new and exciting. From the first time she recognizes you to the first time she searches for your voice to even now when she lays her head down on my chest after being away all day. Falling asleep in my arms and fighting sleep till her mommy can rock her to sleep. I never thought that I could act a complete fool out in public with more than one person looking at me crazy but if that's what it takes to stop a complete meltdown then I plan to rock that ability. She is the only one that loves to hear me sing even though I don't know the words to most of the songs and only know a line here and there so we mix several all together. But none the less she loves to hear them. Picking her up at the end of the day and seeing her face light up when she hears your voice that's the moments I live for. Watching her learn and grow everyday. I cherish these moments and every new stage of her life cause one day she won't want to be cuddled so tightly or sung to in public. She will slowly start wanting more independence. When people tell you it goes by SO fast there is no way to explain how fast it really does go by. Cherish every moment. I now understand the love a mother has for her child. It's so unconditional and selfless. I can now understand the love my mother has for her children and my friends for their children. I will enjoy this Mothers Day like I enjoy everyday I get to spend with our little peanut. So blessed to call her ours and so blessed to be her mommy. My first Mother's Day as a mommy funny thing is I feel like every day is Mother's Day. Reading my post from last year on Mother's Day makes this one so the more special. So glad I was chosen to be her mommy. Happy Mother's Day mommies.

HOW DID WE GET SO LUCKY!

          We both have sat back and reflected a lot over the last three months on how did we get to be so lucky. When we started the journey to adoption I was really scared of the unknown. I constantly worried would or could I be the ideal "perfect person" for a woman or couple to choose us. What if they didn't like us? What if nobody liked us? What if we put are heart and soul into growing our family through adoption and then never to be chosen. Would they like are house? The neighborhood we lived in? What if we said something that offended them even though we never meant to. When you make the decision to have a child you don't think about the things that an adoptive couple constantly beats themselves up with. You think about whether or not you can afford a child and will your child be healthy. We consider these options too but its so much more complex. We beat ourselves up daily especially if we get a call from a woman that considered us and something makes it fall through. Then we beat ourselves up on what we could have done differently. We rely solely on someone loving us for US and nothing more. Choosing US because we are who we are. Maybe they chose us for superficial reasons and maybe they were lead to us because we share a tiny shred of common ground but its a circle of love that will never be broken for the rest of our lives. But we still rely on being chosen because we are simply who we are. We pray that someone will not judge us because of what we look like or some of the life experiences we have had and just love us for us. When in reality they are hoping the same thing. That we will not place judgment or chastise the decision they made to be so selfless. That we will love them so unconditionally to love their child and raise that child to understand the love that they truly did have for that child. Your relationship with a birth parent(s) does not end when they sign on the dotted line. It's just the beginning. The beginning of something oh so beautiful. It might not always be rosy and full of sunshine. Lines may be crossed that no one even realized were crossed but their is always a common ground that we all cherish and that is a strong relationship that we continue to build on so there is never any question as to the love that this sweet child will always be surrounded with. After waiting for so long to become a mom instead of your child being a burden she becomes a treasure.


          As adoptive parents you have to try to look over the infiltrated words that can escape from one persons mouth that has never experienced adoption. I never thought that I would have to explain myself or stand up for two selfless individuals to as many people that just don't get it. Even so that if you don't know me then you don't even get told that she is adopted. Words hurt. Adoption is a beautiful thing. It brought purpose and meaning to my life. It fulfilled my dream of being a mom to a little girl that is surrounded by so much love she will never know any differently. I cant wait to tell her the story of her life. The story of love and sacrifice her birth parents made to make sure she had a life that they had dreamed for her.   


         


          We reflect on the fact that those two selfless people could have never reached out to us and we would not have the angel we now call our daughter. We could still be on edge every time the phone rings or someone liked are Iheart adoption page. We could still be waiting and our lives would not have changed so much in the past three months. When the time came to meet the two people that would change our lives forever it came so easy. It was nothing like I expected and I guess you could say that when it feels right it is meant to be. Upon meeting for the first time we spent many hours just getting to know each other. There was none of the anxiety that I had for the whole time leading up to waiting on a contact. The baby and the pregnancy was brought up very seldom and we just got to know them as two loving individuals. We are so thankful our paths crossed. There greatest sorrow became our greatest joy.


  


            Life with Miss B. She couldn't be more perfect. I know everyone thinks their kid is the prettiest smartest and nothing could be more perfect but this couldn't be truer about Miss B. How in the world did we get so lucky. I feel like I hit the lottery everyday. When I see her slowly wake up in the morning and the smile that I get feels like Christmas morning everyday. When the sound of my heartbeat soothes her to sleep I fall in love all over again. Hearing her daddy read her princess stories with her cooing to him makes you wonder How did we get so lucky. Hearing you giggle when we tickle you or just cause we say something that you think is funny will make all that waiting worth it. I cant wait to watch you grow and see you reach milestones that we as your parents help you succeed at. I hate to think of the day that you will go out into the world on your own but I hope that I can help you be the best person you can be. I love you my peanut. Thank you for filling my heart with love I never thought existed. We were meant to cross each others paths and we are so lucky you were chosen to be our daughter.
       
         To the ones that have had their lives touched by adoption I'm sure you can relate to the ones that still wait trust me when I say YOUR child is worth the wait. To the selfless pro-life mothers and fathers out there that chose life for your child especially ours THANK YOU from the depths of my soul for choosing us.

Our New addition

Our journey to become parents started a little over a year ago. After much thought and deliberation we decided that we wanted to add to our family through adoption. After a lengthy process of tons of paperwork, background checks, physicals and fingerprinting we finally became active on April 15th 2013. Through the process we thought that the paperwork and such was the hardest part of our journey but we soon realized that the waiting would be by far the hardest part. We received several phone calls from perspective birth mothers yet nothing ever seemed right. Either our parenting skills were different or we didn't have any of the same goals going into the future. Turning away a pregnant woman that wanted to choose you was hard but we trusted our gut that god would lead us to the perfect situation for us. Months and months past by and we tried to stay positive and not get to discouraged by the fact that we still wasn't able to match and add to our family. 

      On Wednesday November 20th at 12:30am (which just so happens to be my grandfather's birthday whom had passed away almost two years prior) we received an email from a couple on our iheart adoption page. Made me think that my grandfather was up there watching out for us and wanted us to have this as much as we did. I was over the moon excited that we had finally been contacted by another couple and was anxious to email them back. I took the whole day to think out my response before I sent them a reply and then hoped that they would like us just by what we had written. They responded and told us they would call us on Friday the 22nd. Friday came and went and we never heard from them. We figured it just wasn't meant to be. On Sunday 24th around 3:30pm we received a phone call from them stating that the would be in our area could they stop by and meet us around 6. Of course I was running around like a chicken with my head cut off to clean the house and actually put real clothes on and not just my pj's. They showed up and stayed for about five and a half hours while we sat around the dinner table and got to know each other. It was a wonderful meeting. We really hit it off and promised to get together soon. We never realized at that time how much our lives were changing. We had our second meeting on Thanksgiving day. We invited them to come share dinner with us and our family. We all had a great time and we fell more in love with them as a couple. The following Monday December 2nd they called the agency and we officially matched with them. She originally had a due date of December 21st but had been given a second due date of December 28th. They spent Christmas Eve with us at my moms house and over the course of the few weeks prior I attended several doctor visits and ER visits. I still remember the first time I walked in the hospital and heard our angels heartbeat. It melted my heart and I couldn't wait for our angel to be here. New years eve they came and spent the evening with us as we had a cookout with tons of fireworks. On January 2nd 2014 the birthmother went to her doctors appointment and they sent her straight to the hospital to be induced. Our angel was born at 9:21p.m. on January 2nd 2014 weighing 8lbs 7oz and was 20 inches long. She is my biggest and best accomplishment. We both couldn't be more in love and today Jan14th she is officially ours. Being a mommy is my greatest joy especially getting to be a mommy to this beautiful little girl. She couldn't be more perfect. So thankful to our birthparents that choose us to parent this angel from above. They will always have a special place in our hearts.